Personal Rants (2024-01-30)
I decided to use this blog for a kind of self-therapy, because
- No one I know will ever read it – they don’t have a clue about gopher/gemini/etc.
- I don’t have anyone to talk to
- Sometimes I feel better when I write about this.
First, let me make one thing clear: I am aware that I am in a privileged situation. Nevertheless, it makes me unhappy.
For about 4 years I have been in an unhappy relationship – moving in with this woman was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made; she does nothing when it comes to cleaning, cooking, shopping for groceries etc. which means that I need to do all of that, while working for 45 hours/week.
In one part she is lazy, but she is also severly depressed, so I can blame her only partly. She currently goes to therapy, but to me it seems that her therapist does not really help her, but instead frames everything in her life in such a way that it is never her fault and that she did everything perfectly; I base this on my impressions on what she told me.
I moved in with her because I was stupid, love-blinded and never had lived with a woman before, even though I am 35 now. So on the one hand I think it is good that I finally head this experience, but on the other hand I think the worst part was that I did not insist on us getting a cheap apartment that anyone could pay on their own, when the other one moves out – instead we now have an expensive one that she never could pay for with her job.
All this struck me particularly when one of our friends, a nice woman, told us that she “finally” found a boyfriend – I have known her before I got to know my current girlfriend, and I would much rather be with her. So that makes me very sad and I don’t know how to better describe it.
I just hope that I can get out of this relationship in time without putting to much stress on my girlfriend, given that she already goes to therapy to treat her depression; but I don’t know how.
tags: personal-rants